Blogger Babble: Friends and Giving










I know it's been a while since my last #BloggerBabble

But here is one that is very relatable and its' right in time for Thanksiging or in my case, Friensgiving. I'm sure everyone has had both good and bad experiences when it comes to friendships. Perhaps you had friends who didn't care about you or maybe you had some that were a little too clingy. But whatever the case may be for you, let's just talk about FRIENDS and GIVING. I'm sure some of you know that I studied Psychology in college. And one of my favorite topics was human relationships. I'm such a drama queen, so, of course, I gravitate toward drama in all aspects of my life (even education) .

In one of my Psych classes, we discusses Aristotle and the way he thought about friendships. So, Aristotle wrote about three types of friendships:

1. Friendships of utility: this is the kind of friendship that exists between you an someone who is of use to you in any way. For example, I had a friend in college (let's name her Agatha). Agatha and I were in the same Math class. I was a complete loser in Math (failed the class at least 6 times) and Agatha was great at it making her very appealing to me as a friend. I, on the other hand was very social and outgoing and I invited her to all sorts of fun parties and introduced her to all the "cool peeps" and that was kind of "our thing". She was the kind of friend who could help me with my Math homework, not the kind I could go talk to about my feelings. So, basically these are the kinds of friends that can help us out in any way. We all have friends like these. It's not necessarily a bad thing at all, but these kinds of friendships will never satisfy you.

2. Friendships of pleasure: this is something that exists between you and the person who you like being around for any sort of activity. I had lots of friends like this in High School and College, too. I'd always think about what I wanted to do on the weekend and plan it with a friend that would fit into that activity. For example, I had a friend (let's call her Sydney) and we would go dancing together. We did swing dancing and even toke some ballroom classes together. We both loved to dance and enjoyed going together. But I'd never want to go out clubbing with her because she was super religious and she's never approve of going to clubs. So, of course, I'd never invige her to anything like that. Instead, for those nights, I'd ask another friend (let's call her Emmy) to go out with me. And  Emmy loved to drop it like it's hot at any club or party. Ah, I miss her so much! And although everyone need "fun" friends or people they can go do stuff with,it won't ever be sufficient for one's well being. 

3. Friendships of the good: now this is the rare kind of friendship that exists between people who respect and admire one another. These friendships do not happen overnight and they take some time to flourish. But these ARE the enduring and meaningful relationships. These are the ones you want in your life. This kind of friendship usually happens when two people realize they have the same core values and dreams and aspirations, thus creating a strong bond that can overcome a lot of things. Aristotle said that, "Such friendships are of course rare, because such men (women) are few. Moreover they require time and intimacy…" I am lucky and fortunate enough to say that I do have a few friends like this. And for that I am very grateful. 

And in my personal experiences, I have learned that in order to have life-long friends, you need to be able to give. I used to be selfish and only give when I needed something in return. As I grew older, I realized that I wanted to have more of those "friendships of the good". And to have those, one must be willing to give; whether it's giving time or give support or give a shoulder to cry on. So, I hope this Thanksgiving you try to give to your close friends and show them that you care. 

Oh and while we are on this topic of friendships, I will answer a very popular question and that is how to make friends in a new place? As many of you know, I moved not too long ago to California and I had to start from scratch in terms of finding new friends. And I got asked by quite a few of you to talk about how to find friends and not feel so lonely. And here are my tips:

1. Do not change your life! Just because you moved to a new place doesn't mean you have to become a different person. Stay true to yourself and you'll attract the right kind of people

2. This is for my blogger friends -- just make a first step! Don't be afraid of rejection. Go ahead and DM that girl who uses the same geo hashtag. Yes, the girl you've been stalking and wanting to talk to. The worst thing that could happen is that he/she will ignore your message. That's on THEM not on YOU. Just move on and try other people. 

3. Get out and do things YOU want. Don't just go to any event in hopes of finding new friends. But do the things you want to do and maybe you'll meet some col people along the way

4. Talk to your neighbors. You'll never know what awesome people live super close to you if you never talk to them. I made a few friends just by taking Polo to the dog park. And the perk is that they live so close, so random hang out can happen easily. 

5. Don't forget about your old friends!! Just because I moved doesn't mean I don't care about all of my friends back in Orlando. I still talk to some of them and will make a trip to see them all soon. If anything it makes me appreciate them more because they're so far away. 

These are just a few ideas that popped in my head. Did you guys like this topic? Would you want to see more of this kind of content? Please feel free to let me know, so I can work on some topics and get them out to you in the nearest future. 

And of course, check out my lovely darlings Jayme @thehellajam and Gaby @gabsevi 

These two girls are just the kind of friends I hope you can all have: inspiring, adventurous and incredibly kind. I am so lucky to have friends like them! Love you, babies. 

Jayme filmed a little lookbook on her YT channel. Go check it out HERE! 

*Photography: Pedro Vianna @pedro.g.vianna